You know what you shouldn't do the morning of surgery? Have a phone alarm that doesn't go off. Woke up at 5:28, because I had to pee, was supposed to be at the hospital at 5:30. Needless to say some cussing occurred. We are here now, and waiting in the waiting room. So maybe the frantic rushing wasn't totally necessary. My blood pressure this morning is probably going to read high.
Dear Lefty,
You've worked hard for almost thirty years, keeping me healthy. Helping me grow two beautiful boys. Allowing me to be active. But this sweet, cute kiddo needs you more than I do. So you've got a new job now. Leave my body gently, and enter Teddy's easily. Cooperate with him, and go to work right away. He's been through so much already, he needs a break. Make him feel well. Make him healthier. Work so he can grow strong and do all the things little boys are supposed to do. You've been with me for thirty years, and if Teddy didn't need you, you'd be with me for another 60ish years - so let's see you work for a nice long time for Teddy. If everything goes as planned, tomorrow you'll no longer be my kidney, you'll be Teddy's. Treat him well. Dear Righty, You and Lefty have been working together to keep me healthy, but now it's time to do it on your own. Tomorrow, you'll have to start giving more than 100%, right away. Help me recover quickly. I promise to do what I can to keep myself healthy, for the rest of my life, to make your job a bit easier. We can do this. Getting ready to leave home - a lovely photo of me squinting. We made the two hour trip here with only two bathroom breaks, I was pretty proud of that. My friend Emily sent me with some chicken broth that is MUCH better than the beef broth I made and was drinking earlier in the day, so my belly is happy.
I am overwhelmed with all the kind words being shared on Facebook and texts, even teared up a bit. I don't feel that this is a 'heroic' act but all the love being sent my way is much appreciated, and I'm sure Teddy's family appreciates it as well. I miss my kids, but I'm not hungry anymore and I'm feeling good emotionally. I'm ready! Got my confirmation call this morning, 5:30am check in tomorrow. Hoping for no more calls from the hospital today.
Hungry. That is all. It's 1am, had a great evening with friends and I'm feeling much better. I could set my alarm to get up at 6 to have a good breakfast before going to clear liquids at 7, but I'd rather sleep in so I'm stuffing my face with leftovers.
Ok, to keep with my promise to be real on here, I'll share some of the negativity I'm feeling today. I drove four hours this morning for an hour-long appointment that I've already done. I was tired and forgot my music for the car and I missed a birth I really wanted to attend (I'm grateful to have wonderful doula business partners so the mama was taken care of, but I had really hoped to be there).
I went to the hospital for the last-minute bloodwork, which is for final matching, ensures they will have blood for me in the OR in case of an emergency, and to make sure I'm not pregnant. That all needs to be done last minute, and it makes sense that it needs to be done at the hospital, but it's just a pain to drive that far for just that. I met with my new coordinator to talk about what to expect the next few days, which I've already gone over with my old coordinator, so it was quick with a lot of "You already know this but..." When she left, the coordinator told me I was "just so cool", I don't really know why, but I'll take it. :) I met for about 5 minutes with a fellow that will be assisting the surgeon, and he said that my surgeon wouldn't be able to meet with me for awhile, so I just asked if I could skip meeting with him today. They were okay with that. The only new thing I learned today is how they will clamp the renal artery and vein before cutting them. They used to use metal or plastic clamps, but now they use metal (I didn't ask what kind...) staples, three across, that remain there. When I got out of there early, I was feeling better, but still not looking forward to the drive home. My husband is a truck driver, I don't know how he can stand to drive all day long. The rest of the day has been a lot of realizing that by taking such a casual attitude about preparing this time around, I'm not prepared at all. Lots of laundry and cleaning and packing drinking water to get done. And I haven't been to the gym in almost a week. And then just other non-kidney-related stresses like, ya know, paying bills, that just seem extra stressful/overwhelming at the moment. So, today I'm not feeling fantastic. I am spending time with my girlfriends tonight which will help. I will likely wake up in a much better mood tomorrow - until halfway through the day when I'm starving. :) Yes, I think three days. Less than that, actually.
I'm still in a very different spot than I was three days before our first transplant date. I am either very emotionally ready, or I'm in denial that it'll happen? Either way, I haven't been focusing on the surgery very much. I realized today that I need to be chugging way more water than I have been. So I'll be wearing pants/skirts with elastic waistbands the next couple days. No one wants to deal with buttons/zippers when you're about to pee your pants. Started getting caught up on laundry today, but now my couch is covered in clean, unfolded clothes. We have no food in the fridge, so I'll have to go shopping tomorrow (because going Wednesday when I'm on a clear liquid diet would be torture). We just listed our house, and have three showings scheduled already, which is awesome. I'm glad we decided to move out and sell it empty, because there'd be no way I could keep my house show-ready right now! I'll be packing my hospital bag tomorrow and Wednesday. I head tomorrow morning to the hospital for labs and meet with the surgeon. I think I'll find some of my old CDs I made for college road trips to pass the time in the car... I compared this preparation to preparing for your second kid - even though I haven't actually gone through surgery before, I feel like I'm doing it for the second time and much less uptight about everything. We'll see how I'm feeling Wednesday night! We are eight days out from surgery, and I had to stop and think about the exact number. My attitude towards surgery and preparing is quite different than it was leading up to our first date. I had the countdown started at about four weeks out, I had lists and lists of things I needed to do and plan and buy and pack, was worrying about childcare and hotel and my husband's time off work.
But I've already been through all that already, so I'm not really thinking about that stuff this time. I'll probably being doing a lot of last-minute things before we head out of town. I'm not feeling nervous, or anxious, or scared, because I worked through all those feelings two months ago. I have caught myself trying to schedule appointments for next week, then remembering that I'll be in the hospital. My coordinator is out of the office for medical leave, but she took some time to email me and check in. She said that by next week she'll be back in the office part-time, so she'll stop in to see me the day after surgery. It was really great of her to get in touch with me when she wasn't working. So, next week, I'll head over to the hospital (about 90-120 minutes away from home) on Tuesday the 16th for some pre-op bloodwork (again), go through exactly what the plan is from the moment I check into the hospital til I check out (again), and meet with the surgeon (again). It wasn't a long appointment last time, and I expect it to be even shorter this time since I don't really have any new questions. Wednesday I'll be on a clear liquid diet starting at 7am, my husband and I will head out of town that evening and stay at a hotel, and I'll check in to the hospital about 5am Thursday the 18th. Hopefully. If we don't get cancelled again. They tell me usually people go home Sunday (the 21st), and sometimes Saturday (the 20th), and I'm hoping for Saturday but will plan on Sunday. I'm still not sure if the kids will come to see me in the hospital - last time I didn't want them to come, but this time I'm feeling that I might want them to visit Friday afternoon. We'll play that by ear. They have been in hospitals plenty of times (my husband is a bit accident-prone), so they aren't bothered by that environment, but they've never seen me unwell. Plus it's a lot of time in the car for them. So we'll see. I recently had a conversation with a couple women who have gotten back into heavy lifting after donating, so that has eased what little concern I had about getting back to the gym. I'm hoping to go back quickly, just to be in the environment (and to provide encouragement for my teammates that I regularly have friendly competitions with - Kim, I'm talking about you.). My trainer is really great at modifying exercises, so I'm sure I'll be able to ease my way back into it with few problems. We happened to do some testing this week at the gym, so it'll be a good way for me to know how long it took me to get back to 'normal.' And, I realize this makes me 'that girl' that only talks about working out...But that's okay. It's been hard for me to find other donors talking about their physical recovery in detail. Thanks to Sarah's conversation with her coordinator, they got a hold of the physician who is currently on vacation. He (she?) agreed to do the surgery July 18th. So that's what we're scheduled for. I will continue to plan on running my 8k on the 20th, just in case. :)
Coordinator called me back. Apparently everyone is on vacation in July, so we can't do surgery this month. One pediatric surgeon has the 18th open, but is on vacation all this week, so they can't ask him/her (well maybe you should have asked on FRIDAY when you said you would) until Monday the 8th, which wouldn't give us enough time to get testing done before the 18th. Ugh.
So now we're looking into August. Coordinator insists she will call me back as soon as she hears from the docs, and will call Teddy's mom as well. Which is weird, because I didn't think the coordinators called the other's. Or, maybe she'll call me back and tell me that the 18th DOES work, because that's how it seems to be going. |